On faith:
There was a time when I had a blind faith in the goodness of people.
But I have been pretty jaded. While I do try and see the good side of people and love them for it,
I no longer have that unwavering kind of faith in people. For such faith to an extent comes with expectations, and people don't live up to expectations.
I have come to love people but no longer have faith in them. I love them for who they are but have no expectations. Even the closest ones, whom you've known all your life will break your faith. That is a fact. My faith in the higher power which has been a constant in my life has decreased.
On having my back:
The other day, I closed my eyes and thought of people who had my back. Came down to two people. Used to be three, two from the family and one outside. But it is two. Its so important to have those people who have your back. And who assure you that they do in fact have your back.
On expectations:
Living up to people's expectations is such a difficult thing. Especially when all you want is some understanding and you do not get that from them. That is my expectation of most people, to be understanding of my madness. I am whimsical but few people can deal with that.
On wanting to have a ctrl+alt+del button in life:
I want a button to delete certain people. memories and pain/happiness they have brought into my life. Cause the happiness makes me forget the pain, leading to giving people more chances and more disappointments and hurt.
On gifts:
A friend taught me something about materialistic gifts albeit unintentionally. Made me rethink my position on it, made me understand two others' probably perspective about it. I will still be a 'gifter' but not without remembering what the friend taught me.
Additionally, I wonder if materialistic gifts make people think they own you.
I packed up one remnant gift, a poster which hung on my door for a little over a decade. Firstly, because of the memories, it brought with it. Secondly and more importantly, because I will put it up for someone else the next time. Not for me. That will make me work towards that goal.
On blue:
MichL is someone who has known my favourite colours because we are those kinds of friends. And sky blue is one of them favourites. I love that my room is blue. I love that my mosquito net is blue. And like the song, love is blue. The only other colour I can imagine for love is white.
On friendships and relationships:
I am going to make a very constant and conscious attempt at NOT making any more relationships or friendships this year. Not a new year resolution. Just a self-defence mechanism. If old ones last well and good. Otherwise too bad. Goals need to be concentrated upon. People will break your heart. Whether its friendships, crushes or just human interactions. All I need to do is smile, be kind and love with all my heart.
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